Grandma's Presence

Last week, as I was prepping the guest bedroom for out of town guests, I was absolutely magnetized by the veladora with the picture of my Grandma Connie on it.

She passed in 2013; and that candle has been in there since then....but, I've never felt so drawn to it as I did  that afternoon. It was like she popped out of the candle. I picked up the candle, held it, and broke down bawling. It's a great picture of her. Her teal top radiating with color, a gleam in her eyes, and I know, a deep glowing in her heart.

The only other time something like this has happened, was this fall, when working out at a client's house, I swear that a figure of Buddha that he has  on a shelf, that the Buddha's face became animated and told me something that my heart desired. It was like the little wooden figure had come to life.

Last week, it was essentially the same thing with my Grandma and her picture on the candle. Over the course of the last several days, there have been moments when I have felt her presence. I can almost feel her hugging me and in my mind I hear her say, "Mi jita, I love you." Grandma had the best hugs where she'd wrap her arms around you, squeeze you and rock back and forth, holding on and really making the hug last.

My Grandma Connie was like a second mom to Amy and I. From the time we were born, til about 15-16 years old, we spent nearly every weekday and many weekends with her and my Grandpa Ernie. She was the most unconditionally loving person that I know. And, though she was small; and  perfectly happy to be in the background of things going on; her love was quietly and gently fierce.

She was an amazing cook, a talented seamstress. She was a cocktail waitress, maid, shop owner, farrier's assistant. Her life wasn't easy; but she wasn't one to complain. She LOVED brightly colored lipsticks (that trait has literally and figuratively rubbed off on me)...and also her love for sparkly, shiny things too! She was tender, kind, compassionate.

I hadn't felt my Grandma's spirit since right before her passing. This is a picture of the sky on my flight home between Chicago and Albuquerque, returning home to be by her side. As the sun set across the horizon, and turned from orange to navy blue, I could feel her presence powerfully. I knew she was with me. I was the last to arrive home, and I knew she was waiting. Patiently. Quietly.

I arrived home to Taos about 2 AM; and a few hours later, once visitors were allowed, went with my family to the hospital. My mom pulled my sister and I into a room and told us that the doctors needed to have a decision. I felt my Grandma's words in my mind and heart saying that she was ready to go. And, I relayed that to my mom. I cried and ached deep in my heart because, selfishly, I didn't want my Grandma's time to be up. But, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, I knew beyond knowing it was what she wanted and that she was ready; and with that knowing came peace.

I can't explain the spiritual bond that I have with my grandparents. It hasn't been frequent; but it is real. I've only felt my grandpa's spirit a handful of times after his passing (an experience, which impacted me physically...where I fainted, feeling an immensely powerful, yet gentle force of light smack me in the middle of the forehead as he passed).  And, being able to feel and hear my Grandma's presence while on the flight and in the hospital room; and now, feeling and "hearing"  her.

I told Gary about the feelings I was experiencing in noticing my Grandma's presence. And, he said that earlier in the week that he too had been drawn to the candle, and rotated it a bit because he felt like the picture was facing too far inwards. And, that he had just felt memories of her popping into his mind.

I am comforted by the thought that her presence is present. Without a doubt, she was the most calming and comforting figure in my childhood. Someone who I depended on, and knew would be there for me no matter what I needed. And, whose unconditional love radiated constantly. I welcome her spirit into my life. To help guide me and be by my side. And, to bring with her, all of those feelings and characteristics that she embodied.

Solstice Baby

On Sunday, I went to the Summer Solstice Healing Pyramid Event. One of the women brought her baby girl, who couldn't have been more than a year and a half old. She was cute, bright eyed, and very curious.

In my life, I've probably spent a total of five days around a baby that age. Honestly, they scare me. They can't talk, so you don't know what they're feeling or thinking. They're fragile, yet amazingly resilient. And, they squirm a lot. Maybe it's not so much that they scare me; but rather that I'm uncomfortable around them. But, I'm noticing that I'm not as uncomfortable around them as I once was.

My biological clock is definitely NOT ticking. I think this openness is occurring as I read more and more about spirituality. I've learned that babies are the most pure beings there are. They come into the world knowing that all is well. They expect that everything they need will be brought to them. They don't worry. They don't judge. If something feels good, they enjoy it. If something feels bad, they cry until it's made better.

I tried not to stare while observing the mom and her baby. I thought it was absolutely awesome that the mom was bringing her baby to this event. Because how cool is that?! The mom was fantastic in how she constantly moved the baby, changing her to different positions to help her be more comfortable, just going with the flow as the baby squirmed and wriggled, and grabbed at her shirt, hair, necklace, earrings, pacifier. The mom continually was rubbing the baby's back or her paradoxically, chubby yet long legs to keep her soothed.

When the mom and baby went into the pyramid as the first go 'round, the baby almost instantly started crying. The mom bounced her around a little on her legs and made it through the five minute round of meditation with the glass bowls, and flute music. Which, the baby really seemed to enjoy.
Then, they moved to the chairs with the magnets and vajras, and the baby started to get antsy and cried out several times before the mom got up and left the event.

Usually, I'm one to be annoyed by babies crying and screeching. And, while I couldn't meditate because of the distraction, I found myself calling my mind to go into a state of inquiry and wonder instead of annoyance and irritation.

Was the baby more sensitive to the energies in the pyramid and chair? How did the energy affect the baby? Was she just tired? These were the questions going through my mind. And, since they didn't stay, we couldn't find out the answers from the mom to see what her perception was.

But, what I do know is that the whole event helped illuminate (illumination was the theme of this pyramid session) for me that it's OK to let our baby selves out sometimes. It's OK to know that we are taken care of. Just as it's OK to cry and fuss and fidget if we're not feeling that all is well.  It's OK to "feel all the feels."

I mean, really, when was the last time that you just had a good cry because you were tired, or hungry, or because your clothes were bothering you?

When was the last time that you reached out to someone automatically for a hug, or asked for something because you wanted/needed it, and didn't fear rejection?

A couple of weeks ago, I tuned into and have been asking myself to tap into a 4 year old self - asking questions, being curious. And, now, I'm broadening that, to venture into see what it's like to tune into an infant-self. I'm going to start allowing myself to ask for and expect that everything I need will be provided by the Universe. And, to get more comfortable with knowing....like really knowing, that it's ok to ask and it's ok to receive. And, it's ok to feel.

Amber is the Color of Your Energy

Sing it with me now! "Whoooah, amber is the color of your energy." Now I've got 311 stuck in my head. :)

This weekend, a friend and I went to the Iowa Metaphysical Fair. Since high school, I've had a definite interest in the esoteric. My high school boyfriend's mom was a telephone Tarot reader; and I was fascinated by the work she did. She would often pull a card of the day when I saw her, and once, she gave me a full reading. During that same timeframe, I also worked for an aesthetician who was in touch with the metaphysical, and everyday at work, I'd pull an angel card. I then bought my own Tarot deck, and would pull cards for fun. Fast forward to college, and I spent much of my senior year, writing my thesis at a metaphysical book store. I adored the energy in there, and when I was at a creative block, I'd peruse all of the books, calendars, cards. You name it, I had my hands all over it.

Over the course of the last 10 years, I've had my cards read and met with psychics a hand full of times. I've definitely come across some that I was like, "What!? No. I don't believe anything you say." But, more recently, I've gone to a couple of women who have helped give me some really good guidance and insight. Of course, they're open for interpretation, and not every  reader is 100% right. I just like to touch base and get insights every once in awhile.

In April, we'd gone to Sedona to attend my cousin's wedding. And, Sedona is known for being a metaphysical mecca. When it wasn't raining, we perused several shops; and I was really leaning towards getting my aura photographed, but just didn't do it. So, when I saw the opportunity here at the event this past weekend, I totally jumped aboard!

Our auras are extensions of our physical bodies. They're the energy that emanates out. Everything is energy, so it makes sense that we have energetic fields around us.

To get a photo of your aura taken, you sit on a chair, and place your hands on these metal boxes that have metal plates resembling the shape of your hands. There are sensors on the plates. You don't feel anything other than your hands pressing against metal. Then, they drape a black cloth over your chest and shoulders to block out any colors that you are currently wearing. The particular booth we visited, the woman asked me to say my full given name out loud, and she said a little incantation asking that any spirits or guides come through with only good intentions and reverence, and then she had me close my eyes until she was done. It took less than 10 seconds and then she had me open my eyes while a polaroid was printed.

Along with the polaroid, you're given a print out that explains what the various colors and positions mean. And, I totally wasn't expecting this, but the woman who took the picture then started doing a reading for me - way more in depth than the print out. Like relaying messages to me that she heard from my guides.

Granted, I'd not spoken to her at all prior to taking the photo. She knew absolutely nothing about me, nor about what I do. The only thing she knew was my birth name. Here were the messages she received from my guides to pass onto me (black font) and my thoughts regarding them in blue. 

• This too shall pass. 
• All in God's timing for my greatest good.
• Drop the need to know/understand.
• Live in my heart.
• Don't take things personally.
• I have a high level of psychic ability.
• If I'm not sure about something it is best to do nothing.
• There is no such thing as good/bad/wrong/right. It's labels that we give to things from our narrow perspectives; not how God/Source sees it. 
• Be grateful for everything that I've gone through recently. It's given me a higher level of compassion that I can use in helping others. 
• It's OK to be in the void. This is where the power of infinite possibility exists. 
• I have everything I need right now. 

These were all really good and timely messages. I often live in my head. And, sometimes, I get stuck in an endless rut of trying to figure things out. And, that doesn't serve me. It also doesn't serve me that I take things personally. I'm reminded of Don Miguel Ruiz's advice that echos that. To make an agreement with myself that I won't take things personally. If somebody's having a bad day, or being short, that doesn't mean it has anything to do with me. . 

In that same vein of sensitivity, I can pick up on other people's energy. I've always been very sensitive, I think that I do have empathic abilities. Sometimes they serve me well, and sometimes I have to remember not to take on other people's energy.  

When visiting each of the Tarot and metaphysical people, each of them has told me that I have psychic and healing abilities. (We're all psychic  - most people just don't tune into it a great deal) But, every metaphysical practitioner I've met, has really highlighted to me that I am gifted and should tune into my abilities more. 

The advice about being in the void is pertinent. I'm not comfortable when not in motion. Sitting still either drives me crazy or terrifies me. So, when she mentioned that that's the place of infinite potentiality, it definitely put things in a new and exciting light! And, that ties back into the all in God's timing piece. I've got to trust that I'm exactly where I need to be right now. I have everything I need right now in terms of basic needs; but also in terms of the gifts, talents, and expertise that I have. It was like a gentle "sssssshhhhhhh" from the Universe. A reassurance that everything is going to be fine. And to get out of my head and listen to my heart. 

• The green that I have on both the left and right side, she says having colors balanced out like that isn't common. And, that I'm a natural born healer. My medicine comes from being in touch with the earth and nature. 
• When I believe in my own power and voice and what I want to do, blessings will pour over me.
• Own my power and voice. Do what I came here to do. Don't let the opinions of others cloud my thinking. Don't feel the need to explain myself to others. Be direct in my communication. Polite, but short, sweet, and to the point. Remember that I am an old soul. 
• Tap into nature and my healing powers. I'm here to guide and help people, even if it's to provide them confidence and belief in themselves and moving forward.  I'm here to help people love themselves. 
• The purple signifies intuition and openness of my throat and throat area, that I'm leaning into listening more to my guides. 

This segment was exciting. I do really like being in nature. I've made it a point to go out on most days of the week and walk and sit barefooted in the grass to connect. Like I mentioned, I've been told each time that I am healer...and when she said that I'm here to help people love themselves, I about fell over in the chair because I KNOW that! That's why I love coaching so much! She was also right that I do let other people's opinions influence me...but that I need to stand strong in what I know and believe. Back to tuning into myself and what I know and believe; and to look for and be more aware of the signs that I feel given to me by my guides and inner voice. 

Overall, it was a neat experience. I was really surprised and excited that the reading was more comprehensive than a print out. And, as I typed out these messages today (I'd taken a notebook b/c I wanted to be able to log anything that I came across or if I had a reading, and asked her if I could write down what she said), these points just sink in to a deeper level. So, in my continually evolving quest on this life journey. I'll continue growing, and as is the theme of a lot of what I share in this blog, tune into my inner being and live from my heart. 

Click Your Heels Three Times

I'm not the most coordinated of individuals. My dad often referred to me in a teasingly sarcastic sense as "Graceful Lil". I was always a lanky string bean, and from 4th grade on, I grew up being one of the tallest girls in school. It's all relative though....I mean, I'm approximately 5'6", which in New Mexico is tall for a woman. Despite my early gangliness, I've become much more dexterous over the course of my life.

Sure, I'll end up with random bruises and trip over my own feet from time to time. But, overall, my athleticism has improved. Well, three years ago, that got to my head, and in Icarian fashion, I pulled some silliness while riding my bike, totally ate it in the middle of an intersection - phone a flying, handlebars twisting, and ended up with scraped knees, and an ugly bruise on my right thigh that lasted for months. Not to mention what it did to my pride. Thankfully, it was an early morning ride, and only one person witnessed it (had it been any worse, I was lucky I was directly across from the Fire Station). But, I sobbed and wobbled my way home, feeling every downward pedal.

That was enough to kind of make me a little bit leery for a bit (not that I'm Evil Kineavil or anything that daring). But, it was enough to make me not buy clip in bike shoes. I already wobble when approaching a stoplight or stop sign...I didn't want to feel like my feet were nailed down to anything lest I need to make a quick escape.

So, when I mentioned to my family that I had bought clip in pedals I got from every single person a cautionary "you better be careful" schpiel. (I got the same finger wagging, and bets of broken bones when I bought my skateboard last fall).

I'm tuning that out. And, I'm SO glad I did. Riding my skateboard has been fun (I've only scratched the surface - figuratively speaking, not literally.) I can coast and kinda turn. But, my biggest joy occurred yesterday, when I rode my road bike for the first time with my clips!!! (I'd practiced with my clips on my indoor Spinning bike, which obviously has much more stability than being out on an actual bike). So, on my maiden voyage I flew! This is the first time in probably nine months that I've been on my bike. And, it was SO refreshing! I love the wind  in my hair! I love the speed and sailing by the scenery! I love the giddiness and pure fun and the way it makes me feel like a little kid!

And, clipping in and out was a breeze. It was seriously, small little clicks out with my heels. I mean, Dorothy probably clicked her ruby red slippers harder than I have to - but the girl was totally onto something! Clicking your heels takes you to a whole 'nother level! As I rode along the trail, I could hardly believe that such a small thing had held me in fear for so long! I realized that I'd let other people's opinions of my athleticism get into my head. I had let an incident of falling keep me from speeding ahead and trying something new! It was a totally joyful epiphany! It doesn't just apply to bike clips. I mean how many other things in my life have I held back on because of what I think of others' opinions and how that's influenced my self perception? A couple come immediately to mind.

So, I'm ready to clip in, head out, and enjoy a newly rediscovered love for being on my bike and experiencing it in an ever cooler (faster) way than before! And, think about what I can dare to figuratively click into next.

Weekend Racing Update: Weimarunner K9 5K

This past weekend was my 2nd 5k in a row. I was so looking forward to the Weimarunner K9 5K, because Gidgey would get to run with me! We ran it in 2013; and were the 2nd girl/dog duo to finish; placing first in my age division. I can't recall why we didn't race last year, I think it was because of my glute pain issue....but, after last week's Dam 2 Dam race high, I was eager to do it again!

Of course, I wanted Gidget and I to win. But, I didn't know where we stood....Two weeks ago, Gidget had a limp that slowed her running pace down. And, every year, she goes through this phase, where she'll start out running strong, and then for a period of two or three weeks, poke along. I always fear that that year will be the last of her fast running days...and, this year, I was even more concerned given her limp. So, I kind of put placing first on the back burner.

I had had a heavy week of training clients, so, Gidget and I ran two or three times at an easy pace through the week. I wanted to keep her in shape; but not overdo it.

On race day, I woke up (not as early as I wanted to go through my pre-race routine without being rushed); and we headed over to Raccoon River Park where the race was going to be held. Gidget and I run this 3.1 mile loop pretty much on a weekly basis. So, she's totally familiar with it. I love that it's in nature, and that half of the trail is pea gravel and the other half paved. I love that with every week it looks different with the changing of the seasons, the growth of the trees, the river level, and the birds.

We got to the starting area, and there were probably 20 other dogs there. Most of them weimaraners, b/c the hosting organization was the Iowa Weimaraner Rescue. Of course, I couldn't help  but check out the competition. Weims are very athletically built dogs, as were a few of the German Shorthair Pointers that were there. So, based upon looks, I felt that we'd have some stiff competition. I'm sure that if others were doing the same, they saw Gidget as this redhaired, not super sleek dog, and might have guessed she'd be slower than her svelte counterparts.

We made our way to the starting line, and the race director shouted out that people with dogs should move to the back. I deliberately didn't listen because there was no way I was going to line up behind the strollers and walkers. So, myself and a few other people running with dogs lined up near the front. This guy with a gorgeous silver and white pit bull lined up behind us, and his dog was super nervous and started making Gidget fidget. We weren't in line long when the air horn sounded, and off went the hounds! We broke really well, Gidget running on my right side in the grass. The pit bull behind us, and to the front of us, was this one man running with one weim and another dog. The trio completely tore off the starting line and looked like mayhem practically dragging their dude. Gidget was in total competition mode and kept going longer with her strides, and faster, so that we were in the top 4 (one solo guy runner, and two guys running with dogs). About 1/4 mile in, I felt someone on my butt....and that annoyed me, because the whole trail was wide open....we were covered in forest, so there was no point in drafting. That made Gidget nervous too, making her go faster, and my quads were screaming! I instantly regretted the squats and lunges and three workouts I'd done on Thursday with clients. And, for a brief moment mentally, I thought that I might not be able to keep up. I dug down, and then looked to my left and realized the person dogging me was a girl runner sans dog, and she continued on our heels for about 100 feet before breaking away. I didn't want to let her out of my sight; but I didn't want to burn out playing chase either.

A man covered in tattoos and body piercings running with a weim passed us and settled in about 25 feet ahead of us. I zoned in on him, and used him as my pacer. About a mile and a half in, I looked behind me to see what the pack looked like, and there was only one other woman, about 25 feet behind Gidget and I. I made it my mission to not let her catch us.

At two miles in, I was kind of hurting. My body was tired, my arm holding the leash was tired. And, I prayed Gidget wouldn't slow down so that I wouldn't have to urge her along and tug on the leash, because that's really tiring. And, I didn't want to fall another place behind, because that would be mentally tiring. I looked behind me again, and we still had a big lead on all the rest of the pack. I felt pretty comfortable in knowing that we likely wouldn't be passed from behind.

At two and a quarter miles, the tattooed man and his dog started slowing down, and we overtook him at 2.5 miles. As we passed him, I told him "good job." And, he reluctantly looked at me and was like "yeah, you too."   :) I LOVE passing people when I'm running. It's such a fun feeling of accomplishment, especially if they're someone who's passed me earlier in the race. Gidget loved passing them too! As we went past them, she looked up at me and smiled, with a look seemingly saying, "Yeah mom! We did it! Picked them off! Onward!"

At 2.75, the trail started getting a little more crowded as we rounded into the picnic area, with people who weren't racing; but just strolling. I was concerned when a couple with a little shih tzu on a retractable leash were moseying along. As I mentioned in my previous post about racing. I get really angry when people get in my way. Thankfully, they realized a race was going on, and drifted into the grassy area.

We raced to the finish line, and Gidget, LOVED all of the applause! I was SO SO proud of her I damn near cried as my heart burst with emotion. She pulled out all of the stops. Ran the hardest she has in over a year. And did it all with a great big smile on her cute little face :) AND, she did it on her 7th birthday!

After the race, we headed to the two kiddie pools that had been put out, and Gidget drank a few sips and then put all four of her paws in the water like she was cooling them off. :)

She was particularly enamored with her gift bag that we won for being the first girl/dog duo. The schwag was really fantastic! A doggie bed (which we'll have to trade in for a Gidget sized one :)), milk bones, meat treats, and a couple of toys from Petsakes. We also got a medal. Thank you to the Iowa Weim Rescue for putting on such a fun race!

Gidget Checking Out Her  Loot 

Race Stats

My Girl, Gidget

Five and a half years ago, Gidget's foster mom, Crystal drove three hours in a snow storm from Leavenworth, KS to West Des Moines, IA to deliver Gidget to us.

We had been searching and searching for a vizsla to add to our home; and knew we wanted to rescue a dog, so we'd gone to several rescues, and hadn't found one that would fit our home and lifestyle. Then, one day, a cute little redhead popped up on PetFinder, labeled as a vizsla mix. She was located in Kansas, and since we were headed down to Olathe to spend Christmas with my aunt and uncle, we asked if we could set up a time to meet Gidget. We arrived at a doggy day care, and Gidget was let into the play room with us. She had a green alien toy that she loved to toss around and bring to us. She was super playful and although she was cute, I wasn't certain she was "the one."

Gary, who's had more experience with dogs than I, said, "She's crate trained, potty trained, and she's got manners. This is a good dog. Plus, she likes me." It was true, over the 30 minutes that we were there to visit, she absolutely wanted all of Gary's attention.

Since I'd only had two or three dogs over the course of growing up, and each of them having lived outdoors with my grandparents, I really didn't know all of the responsibilities associated with dog ownership. I just knew that I wanted a dog badly.

Since we'd gone through another rescue's home inspection process, which was very thorough, almost probably what I would think people would go through for a child adoption process, Crystal told us that we could be Gidget's parents and get her in a couple of weeks.

Of course, we did what any expecting parents would do, we went to Petco, Petsmart, and every place that had doggie toys and treats, and loaded up on goods for our doggie to be.

She arrived and was a non-stop ball of energy. And, because I work from home, she quickly became my shadow. She was constantly by my side, for work, for going to the bathroom, every. single. activity became an activity for two. 2010 was a blizzardy winter, and I experienced being outside in subzero temps....something I never would've done prior to having to take a dog out.

My patience and desire to have a dog were completely tested over that next year as Gidget started chewing on all of my things (not Gary's only mine)....books, underwear, and the straw that nearly broke the camel's back was her chewing off the heel of my brand new running shoes. We contemplated giving Gidget back to Crystal.....but, we felt bad because she'd already had four other homes prior to us, and Crystal had saved her from her last chance at the pound.

To reflect back on that makes me want to cry. I can't imagine my life without Gidget. Yesterday we celebrated her 7th birthday. (Yep, she shares her birthday with her Aunt Amy, because we wanted to pick a date that we'd remember.) She truly is this girl's best friend. So, in the spirit of birthday appreciation lists, here are a few of the things I love and appreciate about my Gidget girl.

• The way her ears perk up (that's the reason Crystal named her Gidget...b/c her ears resembled Sally Field's/The Flying Nun's habit; and Sally Field played Gidget in the tv series.)
• She is the best running partner EVER! She always gives 100%, doesn't care where we're running as long as she's going somewhere. And, how on race days she wants to win. This video captures her amazing spirit and smile. :) I ADORE it! 

• Her fluffy/wispy tail.
• That she's super protective of me. 
• Her intelligence - she's very smart in mischievous ways...like being able to pick the last book I've read off of the bookshelf, and an uncanny ability to somehow know when I'm going to leave and she starts heading down stairs to avoid being put in her crate
• That she knows how to sit, lay, shake and give high 5's. 
• That her feet smell like fritos. 
• The way she makes an "aroooooo" sound when she yawns.
• Her little chimp-like face. 
• The little nub on the top of her head affectionately known as her "peanut"
• I love how she's so aloof, and loves unconditionally. 
• Her curiosity in everything. 
• That she's my yoga and workout buddy.
• That her favorite words/phrases are: cookie, treat, do you wanna go?, run, walk
• That she's so in awe of toddlers and little kids
• That she never gives up hope that some day Principessa will play with her
• The way she does little circles before finally laying down on her bed
• That whenever I put on my running shoes and/or ball cap that she gets super excited and starts whimpering because she wants to go along.
• The way she prances proudly when we're running
• She has THE BEST doggie smile - wide and happy
• I love that her eyes look like she's used black eyeliner
• Her playful attitude
• The way she lays on her forearms and sticks her butt up in the air and wiggles it before she goes bounding off
• Her boundless energy and heart

Happy 7th birthday, sweet puppy, I love you with all of my heart and soul. 

Happy Birthday, Amy!

Today is my sister Amy's birthday! We're a year and a half apart; and live half of the country apart. We don't talk too frequently, but when we do, we can chat forever. Growing up, when we were really little, my parents dressed us alike, Amy usually in blue, and me in red. So, people often thought we were twins. Growing up, we were pretty different though. She, the social butterfly and outgoing life of the party, great athlete; and me, the shy, lanky bookworm.

I think that because people so often compared us to one another, at some level, we really tried to differentiate ourselves. We were each other's best friend and could fight like cats and dogs. My senior year of high school, we became really close, and I know that if we lived near one another, we'd probably be doing all sorts of fun things together now.

For my dad's birthday, I posted all of the things that I liked and what about him made me smile. I like that theme, so, happy birthday, Amo! This is what I like about you!

• Your infectious laughter - I noticed it so much this past Christmas. You laugh with pure delight at so many things. And, that brightens the room!
• The way you dance (I so wish I had a picture of you doing  the"Who's hot?! He's hot!" choreography LOL
• Your social butterfly-ness. You're the life of any party, any group. Anywhere you go. You're like the pied piper.
• Even though you don't want kids, you're like the grand marshall anytime you're around kid them They adore your silliness. 
• You're an awesome fur mom to Lemmie and Bonz. 
• The way you rock out in your car to Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough" and The Darkness' "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"
• Speaking of your car, your driving sometimes scares me, but you do get to places really fast and efficiently (except when you run out of gas ;-) ) 
• The way you know what exactly you want and are completely unapologetic for it. 
• That you stood up for me when I was bullied in school. 
• You're amazing ability to smack the hell out of a tetherball and volleyball. 
• The way you sound like Miss Piggy when you're mad. 
• That you're an amazing chef and baker.
• You're always willing to sit in the very front of roller coasters and the way you do the "Ghost Rider" impression. 
• Your ability to host the best and most fun parties and make everyone feel special. 
• Your willingness to try new things.

Happy birthday, Am. I love you! 

Sedona Sisters 4/15

Queen Pirate of the Caribbean Conga Line 10/06

Healing Powers and Back to Racing

Exactly one month ago, I was in the recovery room following my inguinal hernia repair. Aside from being a little sleepy, I was feeling great! I was relieved that it was over. I was confident in my surgeon, loved the bedside manner of my anesthesiologist....but as I walked to the operating room, that seemed so minimalist and full of stainless steel objects, I damn near wanted to turn and run the other direction. I came home and slept a couple of hours. I remember envisioning this field of gold glitter all around my body. Almost like fairy healing dust.

And, when I woke up from my nap, I was feeling fantastic! I went on a walk, could climb stairs! I was thinking, "this is a breeze!" All in all, it was. A couple of days post surgery I was sore, and I took a week off of training myself and my clients; and the following week, took it a little bit light because I could feel the internal swelling and this pull around the mesh that they'd inserted. It felt like when you wear a rubberband around your wrist and it gets too tight; and you lift it up and realize your circulation's cut off, so you rub it, and as the blood starts flowing it becomes tingly. But, my surgeon had advised that I just keep popping ibuprofen before and after workouts so that I could keep pushing myself and that I'd be on the road to recovery super fast. That was one of the main reasons I chose him over another surgeon. That, and because truth be told, I'm vain. The other surgeon wanted to do the surgery laparoscopically, meaning I'd have 3 new scars on my abdomen....so when I asked Dr. Nuss why he was going to go about my surgery as an open surgery, and he asked me whether I wanted one hole or three....I happily obliged.

It's interesting. Anytime I've been hurt (e.g. fractured sacrum, popped my shoulder out of place, gallbladder removal), I've always had this deep, internal knowing that I was going to heal completely, and absolutely fine. That I wasn't going to sit still and convalesce. That I would push my body gently to keep on healing. It's something that I've never had a doubt about.  But, all of those times were surprise events. Nothing that I'd planned on. Whereas, this repair, was my choice to go in, have it repaired so that I could enjoy the rest of the summer and not worry about it getting worse, or bigger. So, I admit, I was scared. In an earlier post, I mentioned that it was a decision I was making because I felt it to be the right timing and the right decision. And, I wasn't going to go back and forth and hem and haw on it.

Having a surgeon who believed in and advocated for me getting back on track as soon as possible was helpful. But, I know that it was my belief in my body's ability to heal that was the most powerful force of all.

So, this past weekend, just under a month post surgery, I did the Dam to Dam 5k. I was bummed about doing the 5k, because at the beginning of this year, I'd really aimed to do the full half marathon. But as the hernia situation started getting irritating, and the block on the calendar opened up for the repair, I decided to forego the longer distance and aim to be in racing shape by the 5k. I'd finished a round of P90X3 just prior to the end of April, then did all sorts of traveling, so I really hadn't run more than a handful of times pre surgery. I took the 2 weeks kind of off, so that left me with 2 weeks to train.

I'm competitive in running. Primarily with myself. But, I do like to have a good race and push myself with other fast people. Usually, I'm very mellow and non-aggressive. But, come race day, I get race rage. I don't like to be crowded. I hate when people get in my path, or elbow, or harsh my mellow in any way shape or form. In looking at the previous year's finish times for my age category, I knew I could finish in the top 5 (*note, this is me thinking this and comparing to my race times from two years ago when I was in really good race shape). So, I had this mental goal of knowing that I could finish top 5. BUT....in training, I've been running with Gidget, and she's been limping a bit and slower than usual, so our runs had averaged between 8 and 8:30. Nothing near place pace.

Race day it was 55 degrees, and drizzly. This was the first race I'd done in over a year and I was nervous. I don't know why....I guess just nervous energy. Expectations of myself. I have a pre-race routine, I like to be early for things and make sure that my body is feeling good. I drank a glass of iskiate (chia drink) as soon as I got up, had a strawberry/beet Vi shake mixed with cashew milk and coconut water, and two cups of Ancient Happiness green tea. I went back and forth on what to wear, because it was colder than I expected, so I went with an Athleta shirt, and my bright orangey capris because, I love bold colors, and totally think they make me faster. And, then, I started to drink my Vi Pro drink mixed with alkaline water. As you might imagine, by the time we got downtown, I had to pee very badly. And, we parked near a QT, that unfortunately only had one toilet for ladies, and everybody else had the same M.O.

We meandered down to the starting area. And, it was cool to see all of the half marathoners finishing. I felt a twinge of desire wishing that I was there finishing with them. But that passed quickly as I started getting into race mindset. Of course, I had to go pee one more time....and rather than fight like a salmon upstream to get to the portajohns, I popped into the restroom next to Starbucks, and again found a line. And, then I got my music set. I don't have a music subscription to any service any more, so not wanting to be interrupted by commercial breaks, I asked Gary if I could sign in with his Spotify account. Don't judge that I wanted to listen to the Ke$ha station. I'd listened to it earlier in the week on Pandora and loved her vibe - the 808 drum definitely gets me going!

So, I got my music started and they announced that it was 10 minutes til go time. I lined up right ahead of the 8 minute pace sign and all of these people started flooding in. I found myself eyeing all of the ladies who looked to be around my age to see what my competition looked like. Several small kids lined up with their parents, and I was thinking "duuuuuudes...you're not going to be fast, line up in the back." To those of you who are non-runners reading this, and are considering running a race, please line up according to the time you think you'll finish. I know you think, "oh the fast people will just pass us, anyway...." but, it's really annoying to have to pass you. And, like I said, when I get into race mode, I don't have particularly nice thoughts going through my head as I'm running you down.

We started at 10th and Locust, and I placed myself in the middle of the street. And, had a fairly clean shot through the starting area. I had to weave a few times and then got settled to where there wasn't anyone crowding me and I had a clean line of sight. And then....because of my race bib, my shirt started rolling up over my belly. So, I had to futz with it in rolling it down. But, the damn thing was determined to keep rolling it's way up. I was a bit flustered....and then it got even worse, when the Ke$ha station started playing Beyonce's "Drunk in Love." Don't get me wrong, Bey's got some great songs to run to, like "Love You Like XO"...and "Crazy in Love" but "Drunk in Love" is NOT a song to run to. So, I had to start looking at my phone and hitting skip, skip, skip, till I got the 808 and high beats per minute back. FrUsTrAtInG. But, that's completely my fault. I should've made time to create a playlist, or recycle an old one.

At the .5 mile point, my Runmeter shouted out to me that I was at a 6:08 pace! Holy smokes! That was fast!!! Maybe my fastest speed ever, but I was feeling amazing, so I told myself that I'd just keep going. I was pacing myself with another girl who looked to be my age and very much a runner build. And, I wasn't going to let her pass me. She was cool. Totally ran her own race and didn't infringe on my space...but then about a mile in, she slowed down and I dropped her. Just at that moment that I started to see the pedestrian bridge, these two older women zoomed past me. They were SO fast and I was like, "where did they come from?!"  And, then this woman in brightly colored pink blocked shorts and short hair that bounced all around passed me and cut directly in front of me when there was plenty of room. That made me mad, and made me speed up a bit, because I had started to drop my time back into the high 6's low 7's. I kept Pinky in my sights, and as we approached the water station, she took up both lanes...drinking and passing! GGGRRRRRRRR!!!! But, Pinky was a beast of sorts, and could drink while still running fast, and soon she built a lead on me again. I knew I couldn't catch her, so I just kept her in  my sights....until the 5k merged with the half marathon and it got a little bit crowded. By this time, it was 2 miles into the race, and my Runmeter had alerted me of the distance...and since you run 3.1 in a 5k, I had to dig a little bit deeper when I saw the banner officially marking the 1 mile to go point. I had just dug in, when I felt someone clip my shoes...and I turned around, with a mean death stare and this older man was like, "Sorry." I turned around, and kept running...but mile 2 was by far the longest stretch, and I knew that up ahead there would be an incline that I wasn't looking forward to.

I was so grateful for Runmeter in that it shouts out to me anytime anyone leaves a comment on my status. So, that was fun because I got my messages in a time that I really needed to hear them. As I turned up the street to approach the incline, I saw Gary waving at me and that gave me a boost of energy. And, directly after him was a drum corps right on the incline marking the last 400 meters of the race. That was SO awesome to have them there because they really were at place where motivation was needed and to have the beat of the drum push you along. Super cool!

At the 400 meter sign, I was running out of gas, and was mentally thinking, oh gosh, that's one lap around the track....but, as it was at the finish, there were so many people cheering and making noise. And, counted down the 200 meter and 100 meter, and ran straight through the timing mats....and immediately wanted to puke. I had to walk and take a couple of cups of water.

I'd done my best and absolutely left everything out there that I had. In checking the results, I saw that I'd placed 4th in my age division, and was the 17th woman in the 5k! Which I was really proud of considering where I'd come from training wise. I'm not gonna lie, I was thinking how could I have made 3rd? But, I let that go. That was neither here nor there. And, I focused back to what I'd just done! I returned to appreciation for my accomplishment. Knowing that I'd done everything I possibly could've done. Appreciation for my body's ability to heal - to race just under a month post surgery, with 2 weeks of training. And, inspiration to keep on running!

Pre Op 5/1/15

Charging the incline 5/30/15