Creation through Stories

I just got off of my regular Monday morning Manifesting group skype chat; and I am feeling amazing! This group truly makes a positive difference in my life that I absolutely love! As the quarter has gone on, and we approach the last two weeks of our group, some have dropped off; but otherwise, the core group is on, and it's amazing how much fun we create just by essentially playing make believe!

As a kid, I don't think that I was all that creative. I loved playing Barbies and with My Little Ponies; and played dress up and teacher. I wrote some stories, but, I didn't spend a lot of time playing make believe.

So, as an adult it's a little bit harder to get into. But, being around several people who do it and make it easier and fun makes a big difference!

I heard an interview the other day talking about how we each are story tellers. And, that's true. We are. But, we often don't think of ourselves in that light. Or, if we're asked to tell a story, it sometimes feels like the pressure is on.

I remember the first time as an adult that I successfully spun a yarn. It was on a road trip; and my friend encouraged me to tell the continued tale featuring the characters of "Lonesome Dove." At first, I started out tentatively, fearing that my story would sound silly or be boring. But, with some encouragement, I built up momentum, and ended up having a ton of fun!

This weekend, I was reading DSM magazine, and in it, they did a featurette on a story telling group that anybody can come and participate in each month. The topic is given out 2 weeks in advance, and apparently, you just show up and be the bard. That sounds simultaneously amazing and scary. I think I'll give it a try!

Also, this weekend, our neighborhood had a block party; and my neighbor shared his story of coming from a Turkish orphanage to now being a sought after ballet choreographer. It was such an incredible story that followed the law of attraction. I think it should be written and would make a fantastic book!

It doesn't matter whether our stories are epic rags to riches tales, or if it's just our story. Each one is different, unique, and something only we can tell from our individual perspective, with our own perceptions and retelling of what we experience. Even if we live the same thing, or hear the same thing, no two people are going to tell it exactly alike. And, that is beautiful!

Loss

Yesterday evening, we walked home from the mall along the trail through Lady Hawk's neighborhood. About a month ago, they started bulldozing the alfalfa field between the mall and our house, making way for I don't know what.

Each day, as I'd pass by the bull dozers and ground movers, I would get angry. Even more angry on days when I'd be running and smell the diesel spilling out of their exhaust pipes; and angrier yet, when I realized just how close to the trail that they had done the clearing. It was depressing seeing the wood chipper next to a mountain of sawdust of what only days ago had been trees where loads of birds lived.

But, yesterday, the project struck a bigger blow. As we were walking along, I stopped dead in my tracks realizing that Lady Hawk's tree had been one of the ones cleared. I immediately started bawling. It felt as though someone had punched me in the gut.

I've written about Lady Hawk a few times before. She's this beautiful hawk who I would see on my morning walks with Gidget. She's absolutely majestic! I came upon her, or I should say, she appeared to me last year when I was going through a really dark time. Each day that I would see her either soaring over the alfalfa field, or sitting in her tree warming her feathers as the sun rose, I felt blessed. Special. I believe that she is one of my spirit guides. She first appeared to me last fall by sitting on the railing of our deck. And, with a knowing beyond words, I know that she's the same hawk that I'd often see. Even with other hawks in the neighborhood, I know that she's the one that appears to me.

Hawks are said to be messengers from the higher realm. They are said to bring magic that helps us to connect with our higher, spiritual self, to listen to our intuition, and in developing focus and insight.

I adore her. And, I couldn't help but feel a deep ache inside my soul, and to shake with deep sadness knowing that her hunting ground, her perch tree (her nest wasn't in it), had been taken away from her.

I don't know now where she'll perch. I haven't seen her as often this summer as I did during the past six or so months. I do hope that she'll find a new place that suits her and is a plentiful hunting ground.

There is so much development going on in West Des Moines. A couple miles away, they've completely stripped another mile long patch of what were trees that also had hawk families in them.  And, I don't understand it. There are SO many buildings around that are vacant. There are boatloads of apartment and condo complexes that I know can't be filled to capacity.

I know Lady Hawk is a keen hunter and survivor. And, I know that if she continues to be one of my spirit animals, that she'll appear in my life again.

Like the Tides - Creating and Owning the Space to Jump

I can't believe that today is the 9th weekly call in the "Jump!" Coaching program that I'm in. There are two more to go. The time has absolutely flown by; and I am feeling growth, strength, and confidence.

I'll admit that during the first couple of weeks I was disappointed. I felt like everyone on the call focused on their problems and that it was 90 minutes a week of being part of a group that wasn't relevant to me. I almost considered asking for a refund because prior to signing on I asked Nancy if it was for someone who really tried to live/grow from an LOA perspective. She assured me I would benefit from it and that it would align. But, one of the tenets of LOA is to not focus on the issue; but rather on the solution. And, to not post and repeat and comment on things that are dragging others down. Yes, you can acknowledge it; and identify it in terms of being able to propel forward; but that stuckness in the drama or negativity or what you don't want will only bring more of that. This group also has a private Facebook group page where we're able to share more in depth than we do on the calls.

Tuesdays tend to be longer days for me with my coaching load, personal training clients and then the 90 minute Jump call. So, there have definitely been times where I've been tempted to skip the calls; but, I'm always glad that I do join and participate. There hasn't been one call after the first two that I've not benefited from being on.

Nancy does a brilliant job of giving people time to speak, as well as devoting time for our inner reflection and responses to the questions in the notebook. I confess, I have not done the reading along with each of the chapters in the book that correspond to the workbook, because at the moment, I feel I need a bit of a break from the self-development reading focus. I feel that the weekly calls and the journaling are helpful and just what I need at this time. The calls are recorded and available to us again; and I have the book on my iPad (aka Jendle); and I think I will go back to the book as part of my practice after our calls have wrapped up.

Nancy is a poet; and she kicks off each call with a poem; asking us to reflect on the poem and what stands out to us the most, what resonates, and what our intention is for the call. I take the majority of calls out on the deck, because the weather is beautiful, and I find a deep sense of peace sitting in the sunshine watching it set and taking in all the colors of the sky as I do the exercises.

Last week, we were on Step 8 of the Jump process, meaning "Jump"! to take the jump that we've been wanting to. The poem was beautiful; and what stuck out to me was the wording related to dark and light. Being in the present to witness the miracles occurring all around me. Waves ebbing. Contraction and expansion. Unapologetic. And, what stood out to me were images of the sun rising and setting. Dawn til dusk. Tides ebbing and flowing in a cycle. A gradual becoming. It just doesn't turn daylight out of pure darkness. Nor does the ocean immediately rise and fall. Everything occurs gradually - things become. The ocean, the sky, they do their thing unapologetically, going into the space and vastness with confidence, saying "here I am!" and just being. And, I recognized that that's what's natural. And, that's what I'm slowly learning to be comfortable doing. Being me. Being in my space. Saying what I want and need. Shining in the most authentic way that I can. It was a pure a ha! Moment! Slowly, I am gaining a peace of mind, a deeper inner strength, a deeper knowing and trusting of who I am. A healing. And, it's OK that it takes time. It's OK for it to happen gradually. In my mind's eye, I see it almost like a time lapse video of  a day. It's a process.

So, step 8...Nancy asked us to envision ourselves taking the jump that we'd imagined at the beginning of the course. And, to be completely honest, I didn't know which jump I was taking. I had several jumps nervously waiting their turn and each taking different priorities over the course of the last 8 weeks. So, when she asked us to jump, I was literally filled with anxiety. It was a revelation to me. Jumping, decision making is a scary prospect for me. I always wonder, "what if I fail?" "what will others think of me?" "What if....ad nauseum."

And, then she moved onto ask us what taking the jump would feel like. And, I got the most beautiful vision of myself sprouting majestic wings on my back and them flapping as I jumped off the edge. I could feel the wind in my face as I soared over the edge above a luscious green valley filled with sunlight and life and love and an exhilarating peaceful feeling. It felt like being on a roller coaster and absolutely enjoying the plunge down, knowing that it was simultaneously scary and fun; and wanting to do it again and again! And, I had a voice inside of me, cheering me on, encouraging me, supporting me, loving me, rallying me. "You can do it! Your'e going to fly! It's going to be OK." "You are amazing! You are brave! You ARE doing it!" We were also asked to describe what our inner landscape looked like, and to me, it felt creative, fun, sensual, adventurous, athletic, sparkling, exciting, happy, strong, courageous, sure-footed, successful, balanced, glowing, confident, owning my power, Cleopatra-esque.

She asked for any callers who wanted to share their experience, and I did. And, as I shared that I felt a deep sense of anxiety in not knowing what my jump would be, Nancy answered by saying that no matter what our external jump(s) may be; our internal jump is always a jump to more self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-forgiveness.  And, that it's  not about just one jump; it's about building our jump muscles; because we're ALWAYS jumping.

Whew! That gave (and still does) me goosebumps; yet such a great feeling of peace. I had felt some pressure to finish the course by making some pivotal external jump, like "ta da!" But, instead, and more importantly, I've been making internal jumps. I find myself being much more loving, compassionate, and forgiving to myself. I have made gains in my jumping muscle in that I've been asking more for what I want and need among myself, friends, family, and strangers. I've been building myself up internally to take up space to be more authentically me without worrying about who will agree/disagree with me. I've come to recognize that asking for help and genuinely expressing what I'm needing and feeling is a strength rather than a weakness.

I've also come to a greater realization that it seems like everybody else's issues, areas of stuckness are much easier to solve than your own. But, it's recognizing that everyone is in a different place, with a different set of coping skills, experiences, expertise that influences what's holding us back. What may be easy, look easy to me, is really hard for others to do and vice versa. And, it comes to knowing and now fully grasping that I can't give what I don't myself have...BUT I do have it all within me. I have everything I need.  I have my own experience, I know me better than anybody else does, and it's OK to tell myself my truth. It's OK to ask for help, or a shoulder or an ear. We're all where we're at. There's no comparison to anybody else. There's no getting permission from anyone else. And, it's about honoring that.

I look forward to continuing to build my jump muscles! I just got this great image in my mind, as a toddler, I used to LOVE playing in a johnny jump up, a bouncy seat suspended from the ceiling. It was my absolute favorite thing to do in the world, was JUMP! I guess my toddler self knew that that's what I was meant to do :)

72,000

I am absolutely floored! This morning, I did a fantastic kundalini yoga video on awakening to the ten bodies.

I hadn't done kundalini yoga in a while; but this morning was grey and cloudy with rain; and it just felt like my body (and mind) could use it. The instructor, Shivie Cook, is fantastic! She's got a Brittish accent and is beautiful. And, she explains things really clearly. The 40 minutes flew by.

She started off the video by explaining that our ten bodies encompass not only our physical body, but our mind, spirit, our relations to others, etc. And, this morning's practice was about awakening these bodies by bringing breath and movement to them.

The practice was gentle, yet challenging. I definitely worked my breathing, and felt energized afterwards. What was cool, was that Gidget, who was laying several feet away, as soon as she heard me doing fire belly breathing, trotted on over and laid down beside me for the whole routine. She was calm (which she's usually not when I'm trying to do something active, she's usually in my face). So, I think that it had an effect on her too :)

And, while I felt good, there's something that Shivie said that rung so loudly in my head and has stayed with me all morning....and that is that we have 72,000 nerve endings in our bellies!!!! WHAT?! That's FANfreakingTASTIC! It totally blows me away to think about that. I know that our belly chakra (3rd chakra) is our power house, the root of ourselves. But, to think about having all of those nerve endings in there. I can barely wrap my arms around it! So, this morning, I've been looking into different articles about that. Fire belly breathing is where you force the exhales out from your belly with an audible exhale (think pilates breathing for the hundred - or check out the video I linked above and see for yourself). Anyway, by doing this type of breathing, you're firing up your system, detoxing, breathing, allowing air to flow in and flow out from all of those nerve endings and really firing up from your belly, so that all of those nerve endings that radiate out from your belly into the rest of your body just shine on through - radiating prana and life force throughout your body and aura.

I'm squeamish about my belly. I detest having my belly button touched. I don't even like poking around in there. It's truly one of the most sensitive areas of my body. And, maybe, by sending breath there it won't be so sensitive. I don't know. But, I really do want to strengthen that chakra from an energetic sense. Strengthen my personal power.

As I mentioned, I hadn't done kundalini yoga in a few months; but, as I'm looking to change up my training routine, I will be adding kundalini practice in once a week.

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