She passed in 2013; and that candle has been in there since then....but, I've never felt so drawn to it as I did that afternoon. It was like she popped out of the candle. I picked up the candle, held it, and broke down bawling. It's a great picture of her. Her teal top radiating with color, a gleam in her eyes, and I know, a deep glowing in her heart.
The only other time something like this has happened, was this fall, when working out at a client's house, I swear that a figure of Buddha that he has on a shelf, that the Buddha's face became animated and told me something that my heart desired. It was like the little wooden figure had come to life.
Last week, it was essentially the same thing with my Grandma and her picture on the candle. Over the course of the last several days, there have been moments when I have felt her presence. I can almost feel her hugging me and in my mind I hear her say, "Mi jita, I love you." Grandma had the best hugs where she'd wrap her arms around you, squeeze you and rock back and forth, holding on and really making the hug last.
My Grandma Connie was like a second mom to Amy and I. From the time we were born, til about 15-16 years old, we spent nearly every weekday and many weekends with her and my Grandpa Ernie. She was the most unconditionally loving person that I know. And, though she was small; and perfectly happy to be in the background of things going on; her love was quietly and gently fierce.
She was an amazing cook, a talented seamstress. She was a cocktail waitress, maid, shop owner, farrier's assistant. Her life wasn't easy; but she wasn't one to complain. She LOVED brightly colored lipsticks (that trait has literally and figuratively rubbed off on me)...and also her love for sparkly, shiny things too! She was tender, kind, compassionate.
I hadn't felt my Grandma's spirit since right before her passing. This is a picture of the sky on my flight home between Chicago and Albuquerque, returning home to be by her side. As the sun set across the horizon, and turned from orange to navy blue, I could feel her presence powerfully. I knew she was with me. I was the last to arrive home, and I knew she was waiting. Patiently. Quietly.
I arrived home to Taos about 2 AM; and a few hours later, once visitors were allowed, went with my family to the hospital. My mom pulled my sister and I into a room and told us that the doctors needed to have a decision. I felt my Grandma's words in my mind and heart saying that she was ready to go. And, I relayed that to my mom. I cried and ached deep in my heart because, selfishly, I didn't want my Grandma's time to be up. But, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, I knew beyond knowing it was what she wanted and that she was ready; and with that knowing came peace.
I can't explain the spiritual bond that I have with my grandparents. It hasn't been frequent; but it is real. I've only felt my grandpa's spirit a handful of times after his passing (an experience, which impacted me physically...where I fainted, feeling an immensely powerful, yet gentle force of light smack me in the middle of the forehead as he passed). And, being able to feel and hear my Grandma's presence while on the flight and in the hospital room; and now, feeling and "hearing" her.
I told Gary about the feelings I was experiencing in noticing my Grandma's presence. And, he said that earlier in the week that he too had been drawn to the candle, and rotated it a bit because he felt like the picture was facing too far inwards. And, that he had just felt memories of her popping into his mind.
I am comforted by the thought that her presence is present. Without a doubt, she was the most calming and comforting figure in my childhood. Someone who I depended on, and knew would be there for me no matter what I needed. And, whose unconditional love radiated constantly. I welcome her spirit into my life. To help guide me and be by my side. And, to bring with her, all of those feelings and characteristics that she embodied.
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