Lifehouse Lighthouse

Last night, as I was walking up the stairs to bed, all of a sudden out of the blue, in my mind, the lyrics "I'm feeling alive all over again" and music filled my mind. I caught onto the tail of the thread, knowing that I knew the song, but juussssst couldn't place it. I grabbed my phone and googled "feeling alive all over again song" and Lifehouse's "First Time" appeared. And, I was like "OF COURSE!!!" And, giddily played it, magically knowing it line by line, although I hadn't listened to it in years! It filled me up with sparkling joy, transported me back to 2007'ish.

So, this morning, wanting to figure out the exact play list this song was on so I could recycle some tunes for running, I went through my Gmail archives. And, like Alice, I tumbled down quite the rabbit hole bridging seven/eight years of emails. Forgetting that I'd filed the more painful stuff away in "archives"....why I haven't deleted them, I don't know. Well, wait...that's not the truth. I do know. They represent an entire saga. The good. The bad. The exhilarating. The heartbreaking. The story.

Thank you random musical moments for transporting me back. Thank you Lifehouse for being like a light house with its beacon, a siren song. Even with re-reading some of the rough waters, upon landing and reflecting, I come to this:

I am grateful for taking a chance and letting you inside.

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life, I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Wherever I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life, I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Wherever I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Wherever I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Museless

I used to ADORE Pinterest. I could spend hours upon hours finding images that made me salivate, belly laugh, and dream! And, then, I lost interest, feared to be seduced by dreams that were ephemeral. Let down by possibilities that I felt no longer had potential. Instead of being a mind candy oasis, perusing Pinterest became a dark forest, best left avoided.

Today was the first time in a very long time that I went back on it. I revisited my boards and was reminded of so many things that make my heart, mind and soul shine! I feel like there's a path that's come out of hiding (mind you, I'm aware it's been in plain sight all along); and I'm ready to see it again.

I'm ready to open my palms to receive musings, creativity, light-heartedness! I'm ready to be tantalized by far off places! To have my mind tickled by puns, and to experience the beauty of words and fabulous images!

All work and no play, a dull Jen make. Yesterday, I turned a corner in one of my consulting roles. I'd been feeling overworked, blah, and micromanaged on multiple levels. And, something just clicked that a voice in the back of my mind said, "I no longer give a fuck! I am not defined by this role. I am doing the best that I can; and I feel damn good about what I have accomplished. And, if people aren't happy with it, or are wanting to push my boundaries, then, that's on them. Not me."

It felt like a dam became dislodged, and from that moment on for the next several hours, I had positivity running through my veins. A sense of empowerment. A sense of knowing my belonging. And, a sense of electrified peace.

I felt called to tap into my muses, to revisit them and get in touch with creative expression. To do what I'm called to do that sounds like fun!