Loss

Yesterday evening, we walked home from the mall along the trail through Lady Hawk's neighborhood. About a month ago, they started bulldozing the alfalfa field between the mall and our house, making way for I don't know what.

Each day, as I'd pass by the bull dozers and ground movers, I would get angry. Even more angry on days when I'd be running and smell the diesel spilling out of their exhaust pipes; and angrier yet, when I realized just how close to the trail that they had done the clearing. It was depressing seeing the wood chipper next to a mountain of sawdust of what only days ago had been trees where loads of birds lived.

But, yesterday, the project struck a bigger blow. As we were walking along, I stopped dead in my tracks realizing that Lady Hawk's tree had been one of the ones cleared. I immediately started bawling. It felt as though someone had punched me in the gut.

I've written about Lady Hawk a few times before. She's this beautiful hawk who I would see on my morning walks with Gidget. She's absolutely majestic! I came upon her, or I should say, she appeared to me last year when I was going through a really dark time. Each day that I would see her either soaring over the alfalfa field, or sitting in her tree warming her feathers as the sun rose, I felt blessed. Special. I believe that she is one of my spirit guides. She first appeared to me last fall by sitting on the railing of our deck. And, with a knowing beyond words, I know that she's the same hawk that I'd often see. Even with other hawks in the neighborhood, I know that she's the one that appears to me.

Hawks are said to be messengers from the higher realm. They are said to bring magic that helps us to connect with our higher, spiritual self, to listen to our intuition, and in developing focus and insight.

I adore her. And, I couldn't help but feel a deep ache inside my soul, and to shake with deep sadness knowing that her hunting ground, her perch tree (her nest wasn't in it), had been taken away from her.

I don't know now where she'll perch. I haven't seen her as often this summer as I did during the past six or so months. I do hope that she'll find a new place that suits her and is a plentiful hunting ground.

There is so much development going on in West Des Moines. A couple miles away, they've completely stripped another mile long patch of what were trees that also had hawk families in them.  And, I don't understand it. There are SO many buildings around that are vacant. There are boatloads of apartment and condo complexes that I know can't be filled to capacity.

I know Lady Hawk is a keen hunter and survivor. And, I know that if she continues to be one of my spirit animals, that she'll appear in my life again.