What Would a 4 Year Old Do?

Last week, I went to my third energy pyramid healing event. Each experience is so different energetically; and this one was particularly different because of the participants. It was a small group, so we spent a fair amount of time talking about the day's topic: Blossoming Into Yourself, and how it relates to us.

I had just started reading Louise Hay's & Robert Holden's "Life Loves You" book. And, in it, I've learned some really interesting things. For example, a kid asks about 390 questions a day....whereas adults ask significantly fewer. Think about it....as we grow older, we fear asking questions. Fear asking because of looking dumb, fear of asking the "wrong/stupid" questions, fear of maybe not wanting to know the answers.

Louise and Robert recommend settling back into that state of childlike wonder and curiosity and to begin asking more questions throughout the day. To be in a state of inquiry. Not be afraid of not knowing, and to just jump right in and start asking who, what, where, why, with a genuine feeling of curiosity.

I've started doing that a little bit more over the past week. I'm not much of a question asker. I do ask my clients a lot of questions, and I truly loved whenever I've been involved with a hiring or selection committee. Paradoxically, unless I know somebody on a deep level do I really feel comfortable asking lots of personal questions. I think it stems from being taught that asking people personal questions is being too forward, not minding your own business, being a nuisance.

So....usually during the pyramid events, I keep my eyes closed while listening to the music and meditating. But, as Deb played her various bowls, the flute, and gong, I became more and more curios about her method. Previously, I thought it might be rude to stare and figure out what was going on....but then, I asked myself, "What would a 4 year old do?" And, my answer was, "They would keep their eyes open and watch Deb as she plays!" So, I did! And, it really gave me a greater sense of appreciation of Deb's talent and a deeper feeling of being involved in the whole thing. I wasn't afraid of her looking up and catching me watching. I wasn't concerned with not being in a state of meditation, I just wanted to experience with all of my senses what was going on around me! And, it was awesome!

In reading another chapter in "Life Loves You", Louise and Robert brought up another point that deeply resonated with me. What would you guess is the word most commonly learned first by little kids? (I don't have kids; and haven't spent much time around them....so I figured momma/dadda/eat) but it's NO. And, thinking about how often I tell Gidget, "No." She probably thinks her full name is Gidget NO NO Childress. But, it totally struck a chord with me. They don't advocate that kids shouldn't ever hear the word no. Rather, they encouraged how to say yes. And, I love that, because I ADORE the premise of: "If you say YES to the Universe, the Universe Says Yes to You!" (see previous post). So, it got me thinking about how much resistance I'm currently holding onto and not letting Yes' flow into my life? I'm still pondering that....but, for right now, I'm really interested in playing with how I can say YES to my inner child. By asking myself, "What would a 4 year old do?"

Here are a couple of pictures of me around 4 years old that have some great reminders for me to carry with me no matter how old I am.





I like how I'm smiling and holding onto the phone. I'm probably talking with my Grandma or Grandpa. I love how I'm wearing my favorite underoos: Daisy Dukes. This picture reminds me to connect, chat with others, remain in contact with my biggest supporters, and rock my favorite pieces of clothing.

And, this picture paints a thousand words. I love how I'm sitting on top of the world, my first horse, Juan, as proud as can be. Unafraid, posing for the camera, and smiling hugely. It represents going out and having fun, being courageous, and having the "I can do it! Just watch!" attitude.

What messages do  you get from your 4 year old self? How can you plan to say yes to being more genuinely curious, playful, and inquisitive throughout your day? 

Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day for the past nine years, I sit in reflection, wondering about and sending prayers to a group of Marines that we met in Aberdeen, Md.

As a cable tech, Gary often got called to work in different areas of DelMarVa when they needed relief. For a week in the summer of 2004, he was called to work in Aberdeen. I was always up for an adventure, so, when he asked me to join him, I jumped at the chance. It wasn't a place I'd ever been before, and even though he'd be working long days, I really looked forward to getting away, exploring, and destressing.

I followed him up from Annapolis and spent the first day sitting out by the pool. It was a windy day, and I was re-reading "Catcher in the Rye," under a big sun umbrella. It was hot and there were randomly strong gusts causing my book pages and umbrella to flutter and flap in the wind. At the other end of the pool was a group of Marines, cannonballing into the pool. Listening to their music, and having a great time. I kept trying to read my book; but the wind kept lifting the umbrella up and I kept having to get up and try to get it back into place. I could feel all the guys watching me as I struggled with the umbrella that was progressively becoming a parasail. They asked if I needed help, and I just waved them off, not wanting to draw attention to myself. After several times of blowing away, the umbrella finally collapsed on top of me in my chaise lounge. I was totally trapped underneath it; and dying of embarrassment, as I fought my way out from underneath it. A couple of the Marines came over and helped me out; and I'm certain I was bright red...because who gets eaten by an umbrella?! This damsel in distress apparently.

JJ, the group leader, and the one who'd asked before if I needed help, was the one to finally get the umbrella off of me and back in it's place. He was very nice and sincere, and since I'd been totally embarrassed by the umbrella situation, the ice was broken.  And, I spent the next hour talking with them and hanging out. They invited us to join them that evening on base because Montgomery Gentry and Big & Rich were going to be performing. I was practically doing cartwheels, because I LOVED Montgomery Gentry and this was jusssst when Big & Rich were getting popular. I called Gary to let him know about our incredible luck; and of course he was like, "What are you doing hanging out with Marines? And, what concert?" So, he stopped working, drove back to the hotel, and came over to check out what was going on.

When he got there, JJ and a couple of guys introduced themselves and explained about the concert. And, Gary was soon put at ease knowing that they were a good group. Turns out they had just come over from the base to hang out at the pool; and were shipping off the next day to Iraq. They were enjoying their last afternoon stateside.

JJ told us to drive to the base that evening where he would meet us at the gate to get us in. We called him, and he hopped in the car with us, got us on base, and we parked, where he and another one of the guys walked with us to a fence that we squeezed through to get into the concert area where the other guys were sitting. We didn't have tickets, we weren't supposed to be there. But, it was all in good fun. We joined the group that had been at the pool, and spent the rest of the evening having an absolute blast, singing along, dancing, and clinking bottles of Bud Light.

After the concert, we said our goodbyes; and asked them how we could thank them for including us in an amazing spontaneous evening; and JJ said, "just by remembering us."

I've always wondered what happened to that group. About a year later, we saw a report on some Marines returning from duty, and called JJ's cell phone number to see if he would answer. The line had been disconnected. I don't know what happened to each of them; and I get sad and tear up thinking of these fun loving guys who rescued me from a rogue umbrella, who were nice, friendly, and courageous just on the brink of deploying to become even greater heroes.  And, that the only thing that they wanted was to be remembered. It breaks my heart to know that so many who went to serve during that timeframe never returned, and that those guys were among them.

Semper Fi, boys I hope you are all well. And, know that you are remembered.

10 Steps To Taking a Jump and Making a Change

Yesterday morning, I listened to Nancy Levin's interview ("10 Steps Towards Your New Life") on the Hay House World Summit (If you've not tuned into one of these events before, I highly recommend! It's free, chock full of incredible speakers - tap in and find what suits your fancy).

Because the title of this presentation was fairly broad, I didn't really know what was going to be included in the 10 steps, or towards what type of "new life"; but, WOW it was the best thing I've listened to in a while.

A really big part of me wishes that I'd heard this a year ago, ten, fifteen, twenty years ago. Hell, I think I'll order it so I can listen to it as often as I need to! Especially, as working on my decision making abilities is something that I am working on improving.

Nancy was interviewed by another one of my favorite self-empowerment authors, Jessica Ortner, and Jessica expressed how making decisions is hard for her too sometimes. And, referenced being frozen with indecision at critical moments.

Nancy acknowledged that we all have this desire to want to know definitely what will happen before we make a decision...and that sometimes, when we don't know, we freeze, like rabbits. She is the  author of "Jump and Your Life Will Appear" where she outlines a 10 step process to help people move through moments of indecision, or major life transitions, like moving, changing jobs, self-growth, or, making any big change in our lives.

Here'a a brief summary of those steps:

1. Admit to yourself what you already know. What is your truth? 
2. Tell someone safe. Often times, we keep our indecisiveness, our hemming and hawing in our heads, in circular thinking, in fear of judgement...when what we need to do is get it out of our heads so that we can fully process what we're thinking and feeling. 
3. Imagine yourself free (as though you've made your decision) - What would it look like? What are you doing? Who are you with? 
4. Set new boundaries - Before listening to the peanut gallery, before being willing/open to changing our minds, she suggests putting a 24 hour moratorium on "yes." To use this time to ask yourself "Is this change or decision something I'm doing to get love? Or, am I doing to give love?" 
5. Take care of yourself. Give yourself compassion, self-love, self-forgiveness, freedom, acceptance...whatever it is that you need. 
6. Ask for help. Don't be afraid to reach out to a coach, counselor, to look for resources that support you. 
7. Honor your resistance - by honoring it, accepting where you are, you're able to move through it more quickly. Acknowledge your fear/anger/ambivalence/doubt/worry, etc. Through this acknowledgement, you'll be able to move through the frozenness. And, to remind ourselves that when we're acting/deciding from our hearts, there is no right or wrong decision. Surrender is letting go of the need to have something be a certain way. By allowing things to unfold, we make our transitions so much easier. 
8. Jump! Let go of the pain of the past, write your new story! Tell yourself your truth...otherwise, it will come out sideways - We make our indecision worse by shoving down our feelings, and opinions. Know that by sharing with someone safe that you release the weight or what's binding you down. Trust that jumping isn't as scary as we think. And, you don't have to have all of the information before jumping. Everything will unfold! 
9. Graceful exit - often, once we've jumped, we're in a rush to get to the next phase, to get through to the other side. And, we suffer the pain of not fully processing the loss of what's been left behind, whether it's relationships, neighborhoods, networks, pounds...whatever it is, pay homage to it. Grieve it. I love the name for this spot: "liminal space" - the space between no longer and not yet. 
10. Say yes! And, say it again, and again and again! (How do we know when to say yes, given that step 4 is about creating boundaries?) Well, we're always in transition! The time to say yes is when we're feeling a little scared and a little excited at the same time. When things interest us. When we feel the call that saying yes will align with the feelings of living in our fullness! 

She ended the interview by saying that during this ten step process, we have to remember to be gentle with ourselves (b/c it is a process after all). We have to learn to trust the process; and take our time doing the steps. There's no need to rush. And, remember, we can ask for help. Know that within ourselves, we have the strength and courage to make choices, make changes, and live our desires that are in alignment with our hearts. 

These are amazing steps. And, I'm going to work to apply them to my life. In decisions big and small. Because, I know with practice, that I'll be more comfortable, and the more opportunities  there will be to say yes, and yes and yes and yes!!! 

Be Real. Be You. Bloom.

It makes me sad when I see posts online, like, "Real Women Have Curves." Or,  "Real Men Do Crossfit." Or, "I'm all about that bass. No treble." Or, ANY type of post that suggests that someone is "more real" or better than someone else because of something they do or don't do or have or don't have.

Unless you woke up in Geppetto's workshop, you are a real boy/girl, man/woman.

You've probably recently seen the whole kerfuffle about "The Dad Bod." And, whether or not it's sexy or sexist. I do think we place different values on men's and women's appearances. And, I'm not going to get into that here. But, at the bottom of it all, each of us, individually, spend so much time comparing ourselves to people who are not us. The real "us".

I love Dove's Real Beauty Campaign  for showcasing women of all different shapes and sizes. And, Dove's most recent campaign, #choosebeautiful,  featuring a powerful video showing women with the choice to enter a building either through a door marked "Beautiful" or one marked "Average." Which would you choose if you knew you weren't being watched? Would it make a difference if you knew you were being watched?

How often do each of us spend appreciating our features, our talents,  our strengths vs. comparing them to others'? Really, think about it. When was the last time you appreciated something about you?
Did what you wanted to do because it felt good? Because it made you happy and feel amazing? Where you did it without comparing yourself to anyone else but yourself? AND, to take it another step further, comparison to yourself without judgement?

I bet that's a tough one. Just last night, I found myself commenting how amazing the bodies of the female pro dancer bodies are Dancing with the Stars. And, at the same time thinking, "Wow! I wish my legs looked like that! I wish I could move like that!" And, immediately, I got to thinking about what type of workout routine I'd have to put together and what not. After a couple of minutes, I realized that I wasn't just appreciating them, but I was comparing myself with them, and  I took a breath and stopped.

Can I workout to get my body to look like that? Yes. Is it something that I necessarily want to commit to at the moment? No. I'm currently training race a fast 5k with Gidget! That's what's currently my goal because running with her makes me happy! Because training to be fast is fun! Will my goals change after the race? Probably. Will I sign up for a dance class or look up their workout routines? Maybe. But, I promise myself I won't compare my body and talents to  theirs. I will be appreciating both their talents and mine just the same.

Instead of comparing or judging, let's embrace who we are. I think we should be our happiest, healthiest selves. And, that's not to say that we don't have goals to aspire to, or that there aren't things that we can improve on. But, rather, for us to aspire to be the best version of ourselves: mind, body, and spirit. Enjoy being us. Appreciate being able to be, do, and have what is unique to each of us, while evolving to the place of being that is us at beautifully thriving, wherever that may be.

Mowing Meditation

As I type this, I'm looking out of my office window, watching a man ride by on the lawn mower, and another one with the trimmer grazing the side of the house. Part of me is relieved, because with my new coaching position I have less time during the work day for other activities. And, Gary wants to have the house always at the ready for prospective buyers. Yet, another part of me is sad.

You might be wondering, "Why the heck are you sad about not having to mow the lawn?!" Truth is, I really enjoy doing it. I love being outside, popping my earbuds in, and listening to Spotify, Abe Hicks, Ted talks. Most times, I'm by myself. Sometimes, I put Gidget's leash on and let her walk by my side. She adores being my lawn mowing helper. It's an hour and a half of moving meditation. A chance for me to be outside, lost in my thoughts, and doing something methodic.

I'd never operated a lawn mower prior to us buying this house. So, for 33 years of my life, I had NO idea how relaxing, and what a great workout it could be. To me, doing house work is a drag. I'd much rather be outside. So, Gary and I made a deal, that he would do the inside house work, and I would do the outdoor house work. In the winters I'd shovel snow, and spring/summer, mow the grass. And, I know to most, it doesn't sound like fun. But, there's something about seeing the progress, of seeing the gray concrete of the driveway showing through layers of snow. Or, seeing the clean look of almost baseball field like green as I make my way across the lawn. It's a feeling of satisfaction. It's a feeling of getting a workout in, or meditating while being outside.

So, as I watch the lawn care guy zip around on the mower, I feel a sense of wistfulness. And, wonder if he finds it as satisfying as I do.

Morning Moving Meditation: Earthworm Medicine

I cherish my time spent walking with Gidget in the mornings. Granted, on cold days, I'm less appreciative. But, all in all, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be outdoors with her on days that without having a dog, I wouldn't otherwise be outside.

This morning, as we were walking down the sidewalk, I looked down and saw several earthworms strewn about. It had stormed last night; but the majority of the puddles had already dried up; and the worms were just out on the dry concrete. They weren't moving; so I thought that many of them were dead. I was careful to not step on any; and steered Gidget away; although, she has this sixth sense of not to step on worms or thistles without having to look down on the ground....it's another story though, that she manages to always step on my bare feet at home.

Image Courtesy of Wildspeak

As we turned back and were walking back home, I saw one of the earthworms squirming about, coiling itself and inching along with its reticular body. It was glistening, wet from the dew, and unfurled from a corkscrew shape, stretching itself along the sidewalk, seemingly to soak up the sun. The way the rays of light were hitting it, made it have a really tall and boxy shadow. I stopped and watched it for a few minutes in wonder, as it continued to stretch out, it's shadow, ironically growing thicker and boxier as it did so. I smiled as I watched it peep it's head up toward the light.

As an animal spirit messenger, earthworms represent nourishment, healing, and regrowth. And, even though they don't have eyes, they are very sensitive to vibration. They represent nourishment because they are great for gardens in that they till up the soil, healing and regrowth, because even if a bird snips off a portion of one, it's able to regenerate its body and continue to live and grow. It is said to send a message of doing dirty work, digging through and releasing what no longer is needed, or getting to garden. And, that made me smile because yesterday, I did do some planting. It also shares a message of healing and being on your path of being healed, or ability to heal others, mind, body, spirit. I love those messages; and was thrilled at getting to spend some time this morning along my walk to witness this earthworm greeting the day.

Gut Decision

I might have previously mentioned that I'm not the best on-the-spot decision maker. I often see both sides of situations; and go back and forth weighing options, heeding input, and rolling things around. Eventually, I do make a decision. But, I don't like to be coerced or rushed into it. I believe my back and forth and hesitancy to make a firm gut decision on the spot is a result of me always being questioned throughout growing up, "Are you sure you want to do that? Shouldn't you think of this or that?" Even though, I don't think my parents meant to be the equivalent of Regis (or whoever currently hosts 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?') with "Is that your final answer?" Yet, I realized that I've been conditioned to always second guess my decisions; and seek input from the outside, rather than go with my gut.

I wish I was a better at going with my gut and not worry about weighing pros and cons; and trying to see things from every which angle. And, so that's what I'm working on. Similar to the theme of my recent post, Cada Dia, which had the general message of,  "if you want do be something, do it!" I'm learning to tap into my intuition more, and tune into and follow my gut feelings and my heart based upon what feels right to me. Sure, I'll make mistakes. I'll make decisions that might not be popular decisions; or decisions that everyone agrees with. And, that will have to be OK. At the very least, they will be mine.

I've recently taken Teddy Roosevelt's advice to heart: "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." I've coupled that with a Law of Attraction philosophy that there are no wrong decisions. I just have to line up with the decision I make and go with it; and everything will turn out in alignment with how I'm feeling with the decision I make the actions that follow.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been presented with an opportunity to put this philosophy to the test with a pretty big decision to make. I have a hernia. I've had pain/annoyance in my hip and glute now for the past 7 years; and it always flares up when I log heavy or fast miles; and/or push myself with lifting weights. Initially, I blamed Gidget for it, because she always runs on my right side, and has the tendency to jerk or pull. So, I thought it was an alignment issue. But, then I remembered, I've had this longer than we've had Gidget.  I started noticing the discomfort being aligned with a bump raising up on my right side lower abdomen. I thought the bump was due to me donating eggs; and having heavy doses of hormone injections...but, after a handful of doctor visits, they said nope.

My bump would come maybe once every month; and then more frequently; and it didn't bother me...but, over the last 9 months, it's been appearing nearly daily; and has grown. In circumference, it's now about the size of a quarter, maybe a silver dollar, and will stick up now about 2 cm after activity, even walking...but disappear when I lay down. This winter, I had two ultrasounds, which showed nothing. And, then was referred to a new ob/gyn office. Of course, each visit I had, my bump decided not to appear. But, I'd been taking pictures of it when it was raised (sidebar: yeah, that's an interesting group of pics to have on your phone....and when I tell friends they can look at a pic on my phone, of the awesome sunset or food that I took...please friends, for the love of God, and for avoiding complete awkwardness...just look at the pic I show you...don't swipe left or right!).

 So, I showed the doc the pics and she was like, "I'm pretty sure that's a hernia." And, then, she had me do the turn your head and cough routine. Hahahah! Yeah....since junior high, I've always laughed at my guy friends when they've told the stories about getting their physicals and turning and coughing; and now I know at least to a similar degree why it's embarrassing.

I was simultaneously relieved, annoyed and scared. She set me up with an appointment with a local surgeon for a consult. The office was in the same hospital that I'd had to go when I fractured my sacrum, so I don't have the fondest memories of that place. But, in talking with the surgeon, who was super informative, awesome, and also made me do the cough test), my heart sunk as he explained to me the type of surgery that would be required and all of the impacts. I was terrified b/c he said it was expected to be worse than the aftermath of gall bladder surgery. Which for me, was one hell of  a rough ride that I don't want to repeat. I left his office, and made it to the lobby and my car before I broke down in tears. My body, which often feels so strong, felt vulnerable.

Based on that feeling, I decided to get a second opinion with a surgeon who's bio blurb had really emphasized that he enjoys working with and is aimed at getting patients back into action and their regular lifestyle ASAP. Again, for that visit, the bump wasn't raised, but given the pics, he said in all of his years practicing that if it wasn't a hernia he wouldn't know what it was and that, while I didn't need surgery unless it was bothering me, that it would only get bigger with time. Unlike the other surgeon consult, I left his office hopeful and feeling like, "Wow! He pretty much said I'd be back to normal within a week! Sawwwweet! He can do this and I feel good about it!" I decided that when I went through with surgery, that I wanted someone who believed in my body's ability to heal quickly. And, based on my personality type, I liked that he said he didn't want for me to have any excuse to hold back!

I'd pretty much decided on delaying intervention until this fall so that I could train uninterrupted for a half marathon and duathlon. However, day in an day out, as I push myself training, and more frequently even on days that I don't; and my only workouts are those I do with clients, I find myself more and more inconvenienced and in discomfort with this hernia....and it's definitely changed shape. (One surgeon, and one of my clients who's a doctor reassured me that risk of strangulation is minimal...so I'm no longer afraid of that.) But, I've come to acknowledge that last year, I only made one run further than 5 miles b/c of the hip/glute annoyance and my training was limited; and spent a large chunk of time rehabbing post strength workouts some days. I don't want to go through that again this season.

So, I've made my final decision (literally by listening to and watching my (lower) gut) and am lining up behind it. I've decided to get it repaired; and am on the surgery books for May 1st with the doctor that made me feel good. I mean it was a totally different feeling of assurance rather than vulnerability when leaving his office. Sure, I go through periods of time where I'm frightened and not wanting to go...b/c I'm not really an advocate of surgery, and would much rather it heal on its own. But, I also know that I'm impacted by its presence (e.g., my organs popping through my viscera) and the sooner that I get it done the faster I'm back on track. I feel good about moving forward in one direction.

I'm working daily on visualizing myself bouncing right back and lacing up my shoes and being back in the saddle (bike) within a week, and lifting. I know our bodies have an amazing capacity to heal; and that's what I'm believing in: The doctor's faith and assurance that I would be back at it in no time; and my body's ability to be back and better than before! And, while I won't be running the half marathon distance for Dam 2 Dam, I do plan on tearing up the duathlon course later this summer!

This Book Actually Looks Awesome, and Will Likely Make My Recovery Reading List